


It's better this way

by redqueenofhell



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Diabetes, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, No Fluff, Suicidal Castiel, Suicide, Suicide Notes, diabetic Castiel, english is not my first language, first ficlet, first posted story ever, just dark, type one diabetes, unbetaed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 13:52:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4062397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redqueenofhell/pseuds/redqueenofhell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas had met one year prior. They quickly became best friends. But despite of his good friendship with Dean, Cas was never really happy. On his birthday Cas takes a decision that will change his and Dean’s life forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's better this way

**Author's Note:**

> I really suck at English, and this will be loaded with mistakes, but I just really had to get it out.  
> It's kinda really depressing and kinda triggering for people who have a bad relationship with suicide. So if you find such things disturbing please don't read this. You are welcome to give me feedback if you want, and I'll correct the errors, but I kinda think there's no saving the grammar here..

Dean woke early this seemingly no-special Tuesday morning. Even though he hated himself for it, he swung his legs from the bed and to the floor. It was way too early. Little to six to be precise. But he had to get up early. Today was Cas’ birthday and he had promised himself that he would be there for him. Cas had had a rough year and he deserved all the happiness he could get. So there Dean was, getting out of bed to go surprise his best friend. Once he were fully dressed, he snuck out of the house, having told his plans to his family beforehand. Once he was seated on his bike, he drove to Cas’ house. A journey he had taken often in the last year. It took no more than 10 minutes before he was standing before the Novak resident. However, once he reached the front door, he saw an envelope hanging from the door. It was small, white and had Dean’s name written on in Cas’ handwriting. He took the envelope slowly and opened it. Inside there was a single folded paper. Dean just looked at it. He did not want to open it. He felt he already knew what it was. Why else would Cas write him a letter? But Dean needed to know. His curiosity won and he unfolded the letter.

_June 2, 2015_

_Dear Dean,_

_I_ _’m counting on you to be the one to get here first. Probably the only one who is wondering why I’m not at school. There could be a lot of reasons, but I still figure you’ll be the first to get here. I’m sorry Dean, but I think you know what I’m about to write… I just can’t do it anymore…_

Dean ripped his eyes away from the piece of paper in his hands. No. Dean’s thoughts stopped all at once. No. And then he started hammering on the door. “Cas! Cas are you in there?!” He was still banging loud on the door repeating Cas’ name, but getting no response. “Cas open the door please!” Dean’s voice had lost all compassion and he was angry now. Cas could not do this to him. Cas could not leave him. Dean’s eyes were full of tears due to the lack of sound from behind the door. He made his eyes return to the paper curled up in his hand. Finding where he left of, he continued reading.

_…can’t do it anymore. I’m truly sorry Dean but I’m sick and tired of feeling nothing. I just feel hollow and nothing has the same meaning to me as it did before. Don’t misunderstand. You mean a great deal to me and I wished we had never met, so you wouldn’t have to deal with this. But you have given me some bright times I’ll never forget. But I can’t do it. I know you’re gonna blame yourself, but please don’t. This is NOT your fault Dean Winchester! I’m just not as strong as you…_

Dean was now crying hard. Cas was saying goodbye. He could not handle it. He was now sitting with his back to the door. Tears and snot were sliding down his cheeks, but he did not care.

_..as you. I can’t just keep going. It feels fake. My happiness feels fake and sorrows feels fake. I don’t know what else to do and I don’t wanna burden you anymore. I just don’t care about myself anymore. But please don’t be sad Dean. It’s better this way. And it won’t hurt. I’ll be alright. Take care of Sam and Charlie. Keep being that wonderful friend you are!_

_Love Cas_

Dean could no longer see. His vison blurred by tears. He let outa loud sob clinging to the letter as his life depended on it. He loved Cas. He could not lose him. Not like this. And at once he was on his feet once again. Not to bang on the door this time, but to break it down. It took him three tries before the door gave and he ran inside. The house looked like it always did. Which Dean found disturbing. It was too normal for the tragedy it was housing. After hurriedly checking the kitchen and dinning area, he ran up the stairs towards Cas’ bedroom. Which he also found locked. This time it took Dean one kick before the door busted open. Inside, Cas’ room was like it always was. Way to tidy for Deans liking. Cas sat on his bed and starred dumbly at Dean.

“Cas” Dean breathed, only now realizing that he had hold his breath.

“Dean?” Cas was looking small on his bed. He did not move.

“Cas!” Dean stuttered again running to his friend embracing him. Cas did nothing for a few moments before his hands around Deans shoulders as well.

“Dean..” Cas pulled Deans face away from his torso, “Dean you shouldn’t be here.”

“Cas!” Dean just said through his tears, “You can’t leave me! You just need help! It’s not to late..”

“Dean,” Cas took deans head in his hands and blue met green. “Dean you shouldn’t be here,” his voice seemed far of “it’s to late. You shouldn’t be here,” Cas repeated for himself. That’s when Dean felt the slight tremble in Cas’ hands. He took Cas’ hands as his eyes moved around the room. He did not have to look long before he found what he was looking for. There on Cas’ bed was a syringe. Dean looked from it to Cas.

“Cas?” Dean shook Cas gently, “Cas? Was that full?” Dean nodded towards the syringe. Cas follow Dean’s glance till they found the syringe. He slowly nodded.

“Shit,” Dean muttered now with his phone in hand.

“Hello this is 911 what your emergency,” it was a seemingly young man answering, but Dean did not care he just yelled.

“My friend has taken an overdose of insulin.. Please send help.” Dean was sobbing and Cas was swaying in his seat. “Please,” Dean begged as the man asked for an address and thereafter informing that help was coming.

Cas collapsed backwards on his bed as the man finished. At that, Dean forgot everything. The phone was tossed and the letter, he had still been holding, was long forgotten. He jumped to his friend’s side, pulling him unto his lap.

“Cas? Cas!? Wake up! Please wake up!” Dean was rocking him while repeating the words to himself. He heard sirens in the distance, but he knew they were too late. Putting his lips to his best friend’s ear, he told him the one thing, he had wanted to say, since he met him.

“I love you”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a diabetic myself and for those who doesn't know: diabetes is an illness that affects the pancreas which is the organ producing insulin. insulin is the stuff that makes it possible for cells to absorb carbs. when you take to much insulin you start by trembling and feeling bad and if you take a massive amount as Cas does in this fic you go into hypoglycemia which is deadly. you start by going into a coma (this is only in extreme cases btw) and if you dont resive treatment you're brain will eventually shut down due to the lack of glucose. just thought i would explain..


End file.
